Thursday, January 26, 2012

Payback

Just a short piece on bullying. I don't really know what made me write this, perhaps inspiration from a book. Any events like this one is merely a coincidence. What happens next? Just to leave you guys pondering. :)

Who wasn't bullied at least once in their school years? I guess everyone did but there was always one person who was always targeted the most, one who always ended up with the worst of the torment and one who was never strong enough to deviate from being themselves to fit in. That person was me.

High school was all about accepting each other for the differences and getting along no matter how different people looked, right? Wrong. It was all about fitting in. If you didn't dress like the "plastics", you were "out". If you weren't sporty like the athletic jocks, you were "out". If you were too smart, too dumb, too quiet, too weird, too ugly, too fat, too skinny, you were automatically "out".

I was the clumsy one, who always tripped over my own feet, who always got shoved into the lockers for the pleasure and satisfaction of others, who was always the last one to be picked for a team, the one who got called the most insulting names. Through time, I had learned to make myself numb but I never prepared myself against myself. It never occurred to me that I would eventually be the one harming them in return, inflicting pain against those who made me suffer, causing devastation to the families of the kids who taunted me and being the soul person responsible for all those injuries and perhaps, even deaths.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Unwanted

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your heart and damn you're free
Listen to your heart and you'll find,
Love love love love

Jane stared out her bedroom window, blurred from the raindrop races that were fuelled by the thunderstorm above. She turned up the volume and forced the music pounding in attempt to block out the booming echoes. It had been a rainy day when he had broken up with her. She remembered clearly.

"Janey!" he called from across the carpark. I turned around, despite the splatters of rain dampening my old T-shirt. I ran to him as he held an umbrella over me, sheltering me in his arms. I felt safe. "Let's take a walk," he suggested and I followed him.

"Jane, honey. I don't think I can take it anymore. I'm not happy. I don't feel like I used to. I just don't feel the love between us anymore. I tried really hard to be like I used to be. I tried to give you everything you wanted but that isn't me. I don't want this anymore. Janey, I don't love you anymore." I was deathly silent. Could this be? The sweetest boy, my man, didn't love me anymore? When had he turned into this? When did he become selfish? How many stupid times has he said 'I'? "Baby, say something."

"I'm not your baby." I replied, my tone cold like the tombstones in the graveyard. I paused, thinking. "What did I do wrong Kevin? What did I do?" I looked into his bronze eyes, already darkened by someone else's love.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. It was the only thing he could manage before he turned and left me standing in the pouring rain. The tears of Heaven cried my tears, wetting my hair and soaking me through. I didn't care. My heart had shattered and nothing could heal it. Nothing could heal a gaping wound, left to bleed.

As if the lyrics provided Jane with any comfort. None at all. How could she open her heart again when it had been torn through the middle? How could she be free from the shards of her shattered heart when she was reminded every day that he used to love her? How could she listen to her heart when the last time, it led her to heartbreak? Love love love love love. Why does the whole world seem to revolve around love? Everyone at school was looking for it. Girls backstabbed each other to make sure they were the ones who got the cutest guy. Boys became players and flew from girl to girl, heartlessly dumping them when they got bored.

That's what Kevin had done to her. And look at her now, a broken clock that nobody wants. Nobody wants a broken girl. Nobody does.